My friend Laura was brave and honest enough to share her experience with the Mommy Wars with us. Laura has two precious little boys and writes her own blog, Not So Average Momma. She also writes for Fredericksburg Parent & Family. You can follow the goings on of her writings and wonderful little family on her Facebook page.
Here’s what she had to say about her experience with the Mommy Wars:
You know that look you get from other moms when your two year old won’t cooperate and throws a tantrum, your three month old is crying because he wants to nurse, and all you want to do is get the heck out of the grocery store but you can’t because you’d like to have food to put on the table at dinner time? You know the look that says “Wow, she doesn’t have it together.”
I hate it when I get that look and the more I get that look the more I wonder if they are right, if I really don’thave it all together.
As I researched more and learned more I felt like I needed to share what I had learned. I felt like we were doing all of the right things as parents. Why weren’t all mothers wearing their babies or breastfeeding them? Why weren’t they practicing gentle parenting and allowing the children to play and get messy and have fun the way that I did? I was becoming a “drama momma” and I probably gave some not-so-nice looks to those mothers with whom I disagreed.
While I didn’t just walk up to random people on the street, I did think that (according to my standard) these parents were not parenting correctly. I wanted to help them see the light and enhance their lives by doing things the way that I thought was best. At the time, I honestly thought that what I was doing was helping. Wow, really? What I was doing was actually just the opposite. Even though I didn’t say anything to the mothers that I encountered, the looks I am sure I gave them were nothing but harmful.
Unbeknownst to me, I had become a “drama momma.”
Around the time of my son’s first birthday, God really helped me to see how judgmental I had become. I had never considered myself to be a mean person just an “informed” parent. I, like many other “drama mommas,” thought that because I had the facts I should be free to critique other mother’s decisions. There truly is not one right way to be a parent. I now recognize and appreciate that we are all different and that we all are doing what we think is best for our children.
In June of 2012 I wrote a post titled Tough Business about how moms allow our differences to divide us. I think that rather than believing every woman is doing what they think is best for their child/ren we feel the need to interject and make her question her choices.
I try to remember to give a friendly smile or wave when I see other mothers struggling to just get through their day. Maybe there is a mom chasing her five-year-old through the park, or a mom who has stopped to feed her baby in the middle of the grocery store. That small smile can give her the validation she needs that she is doing a great job as a mom. I know that the kindness of other mothers has helped me to get through my errands with two crazy kids in tow and I want to continue to pass on the positivity.
What about you? Are you guilty of being a “drama momma?” Have you experienced judgment from other mothers? I’d love to hear some of your experiences!